The Green-Light House

Rick woke up to the sound of the shower running. He had a headache, he felt dehydrated, and he was wet. From the shower.

He had fallen asleep in the shower sometime earlier that morning, and now a stranger was running cold water over his legs. It wasn't pleasant, but it did help to abate his pounding hangover headache. A lightweight female winced at him from above.

"Whathahelleryou doing, in my shower?"

Rick was puzzled by this question. Looking around, he was pretty sure it was his shower.

"Is it so aberrant to find someone sleeping in a shower? Besides, you're in my shower."

The girl looked like she was dressed by a Bon Jovi concert. She had lipstick smeared down her chin. "Nobody talks like that for real."

Banal whore, Rick said to himself.

"Are you going to let me get in my shower?"

"Look I told you, this is..." Rick squinted around the bathroom, now a daunting mess. He assumed the toilet had been smashed the night before, there was no sink, and sawdust covered the floor.

"Sawdust? What happened here?"

He looked up at the girl, and he saw she was just as confused. "Is this your house?"

"I don't know."

"Where are we?"

Rick thought hard, and began to reassemble his evening.

***

The original plan was to enjoy a quiet evening at his close friend Austin’s house. He lived across town near the colleges in a mostly gentrified neighborhood, but his house was not coming along. Most houses looked much better, though a few looked much worse. When Rick arrived, he found an ebullient Austin who insisted on going to a party down the street.

“The house with the green light on the porch?”

“Yeah dude! I’ve always wanted to go. The light’s on, that means there’s a party.”

“There’s always a party. What does the green light mean?”

“Nothing special, probably. Stoners aren’t that smart.”

“I thought we were going to watch a movie.”

“We can do that anytime! The green light won’t wait!”

***

They spotted the green-light house from down the street. The houses in all directions appeared to be abandoned, and the party was spilling over into the adjacent lots. As they approached, they heard the cacophony of world music, the tapping of a keg, and what appeared to be competitive projectile vomiting from an upper balcony. Austin walked in without hesitating.

“Hey, Aus--,” Rick was hesitating, but knew the only thing worse than being at this party was being at this party alone. He kept one eye on Austin who was mixing in with the crowd inside the door, and another eye on the clusters of people laying on the front lawn. They appeared conscious, but it was questionable.

Inside the house, Rick tried not to breathe. The overwhelming stench of hot bodily fluids was the least of his worries. It was the clouds of green smoke that concerned him initially, but more concerning was the white powder being thrown into the air in the room to his right. He went left.

He found Austin standing with two red solo cups. He was listening to a very tall woman harangue several men over facetious comments they made concerning women’s rights. This was the kind of conversation that made Rick want to drink heavily.

He took the red solo cup from Austin. The conversation started to get more interesting.

"Men are all the same," the woman spoke in a fairly deep voice. "All you want is sex and power. The patriarchal society we live in needs to burn to the ground, you three should burn with it."

Aside from the hard drugs being disseminated through the air, something wasn't right. Rick looked at the woman's feet and saw two things: an empty pill bottle, and her size 14 heels.

By the look on one man's face, the premise of women's rights was iconoclastic. "Firsuvall," he started, then gathered himself, then continued. "Women arn smart enough to make decisions."

"Oh yeah? Say it to my face then. Tell me I'm not smart enough!"

Someone else chimed in. "Why do you even care? You're a man." The room laughed.

"I am not a man! I'm no tranny!" She gainsaid. Or he gainsaid.

Rick was having a hard time keeping up with this chain of events. He was also having a hard time standing, and the room was spinning. Now the floor was getting awfully close.

Then, scene missing.

***

"Where are we?"

Rick's phone buzzed. A text from Austin:

Austin R. 5:12am
i0took00 u
next dooor
nobody0home.
sum1 had
rofhies
tranny? 1111


Glossary:

abate, v - subside or moderate
aberrant, adj - abnormal or deviant
banal, adj - commonplace; trite
cacophony, n - dischordant sound
daunt, v - frighten
ebullient, adj - showing excitement; overflowing with enthusiasm
facetious, adj - joking, humorous (often inappropriately)
gainsay, v - deny
harangue, v/n - long, passionate, vehement speech
iconoclastic, adj - attacking cherished traditions
disseminate, v - to spread or disperse widely